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Deviant for 7 Years
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Chill Caterpillar. by Debtland Chill Caterpillar. :icondebtland:Debtland 7 1 The String by monsterunderyourbed1 The String :iconmonsterunderyourbed1:monsterunderyourbed1 2 3 What 'Dat Be? by SparkofGenius What 'Dat Be? :iconsparkofgenius:SparkofGenius 5 6 Create A Character - Female V by Crysa Create A Character - Female V :iconcrysa:Crysa 19,992 4,446
I wish spoken words were things that could be erased, forgotten. But now I knew, and we could never go back.
"I never hated you."
She doesn't even bother to lift her gaze from the screen in front of her to justify the sudden statement, one even she doesn't understand, only typing on and punctuating each sentence with the slam of another plastic key through the silence.
The words don't faze the woman standing behind her.
Her only warning is a scarlet-lipped smile reflected in the blank white document page.
"Good." Voice like sticky-sweet confection, she sets a hand on her chair and smiles wider.
"I'm glad you said that."
No, no, no…
"And I'm sure everyone will believe you."
No, I can still fix this…
Her tormenter retreats to the other side of the room under her steady gaze and lifts her hands up. She recognizes the gesture as one given to animals incapable of controlling their rage. The thought needles her.
Pulling another burning breath through her
:iconcake-error:cake-error 3 7
31 Seconds
The second hand twitches forward and jerks into position, as if contemplating its position before darting forth and crawling around the watch strapped loosely to her arm.
Maybe - she will wait -
Straining her ears for the faintest sounds of footsteps outside the door, even the muffled noise of a door shutting against the soft carpet, she turns her head to the left. She presses her cheek to the cool, almost-soothing tiles and looks, towards the sinks, towards the mirrors mirroring her deadened expression.
This isn't the kind of accident where sirens sound, she thinks quietly. Even inside herself the voices have all quieted, and they almost echo out of her mouth - would it matter if she said them out loud? Would anyone hear?
She furrows her brow - surely she promised? Or will she lie here on the floor in a pitiful mess until the end? It's not hard to imagine. She can picture it now, in the utter s
:iconcake-error:cake-error 3 9
she's sprawled carelessly across the bed, old t-shirt riding up over an angular hipbone and headphones dangling on her shoulder. an arm is draped over someone else's shoulder, but she ignores him as she twists an earbud into her right ear and bobs her head to the rhythm of some song smashing its way through her eardrums.
worming her way out from under the lumpy quilts and barely-made bed covers, she grips the thin metal rails at the foot of the cot and wobbles dizzily down the stairs just outside the door.
making her way to the first floor somehow, she stands at a rain-soaked window and contemplates the universe in the swirls of smoke from the cigarette she's just lit. the white fumes swirl and fog up the window, and she lifts a finger lazily to trace some letters in the pale mist. a name writhes its way out of the incoherent scrawling and writhes its way into her mind, kicking up a flash of brown eyes peering out from behind glasses and black sneakers with no socks and a laugh and a s
:iconcake-error:cake-error 1 0
breathe in
breathe in,
breathe out,
isn't that what it's all about?
you're only legally dead
when your brain stops working
but there's no limit
on thoughtlessness
and keeping the facade
is too easy to fake.
there are no more words left in this ugly mouth
no more pleading screams,
no more desperate bargains,
nothing left to figure out
and nothing to find.
only me
and myself
here to stay
and I suppose that's punishment enough.
I've already bid you farewell,
oh so long ago,
but let me take the time to say
goodbye, sunshine
sweet rays of radiation
goodbye to the only constant
in a life fraught with change
spinning, crashing, jerking out of place.
beauty is in the eye of the beholder,
but there's no one watching me now,
and I guess there's another one right there
to die unloved
another achievement to add to your list.
mount my heart on your wall
as some sick, bloody trophy
set my dreams in a vase on your dining room table
or carve my hopes into a mantlepiece
in your living room
:iconcake-error:cake-error 1 2
the room is bleached of color
steeped in dark-room chemicals
and barely glinting by the light
in the smoke detector
even in my dim light
I barely shine some pale shade of grey
glowing sickly chalk alabaster
in the flash of your camera-eyes
until the edges are blurred
in the only sick color of the night
dull blue-black of a bruise
stenciled in through my veins
and tracing the curves of my limbs
into the darkness
I turn to the windows
to the ineffectual curtains
and wonder how much longer
I will have
to develop.
:iconcake-error:cake-error 1 0
The Weatherman Lied Today
The weatherman,
all bright smiles
impeccable suit
jaunty hand gestures
perfectly modulated voice
told us
(told me)
would be beautiful.
And I guess
he was right at first,
just like they
(my mother)
usually are
about the weather.
(about me.)
The sky was clear, pure,
brighter than a child's
and lifting my face from the morning dew
into a perfectly shaped halcyon sky,
I believed that the weather
was perfect.
And the weatherman smiled.
(And     my mother    smiled.)
I closed my eyes.
I went inside.
But the storm clouds rolled over us
and sitting inside,
face pressed to the glass
looking out at the world
(my life)
I looked up at
ugly, blindingly bright
flashes of lightning.
(my pain).
And the distant,
too-late rumbling omen
of thunder
(my mother's tears)
just following after
told us
what they
could have never predicted.
The weatherman
(my mother)
lied today.
:iconcake-error:cake-error 1 0
not good enough
yes momma,
i heard you the first time.
and the several
i am not good enough.
look at my pathetic body.
inwards feet,
crooked spine,
tilted shoulders,
soft bones,
putrid face,
ugly scowl,
dull eyes,
crooked teeth,
such a foolish
and i suppose that's the greatest sentence you have
for me,
to be some mindless
because i can not
(never could)
take care of myself.
i am not good,
not good enough,
fingertips barely grazing the underside of the
legs outstretched
in a mockery of a lunge
some twisted dance i've performed
to come so far
just as i have
and smash underfoot
as i tumble to the
i am
not good enough,
will never be,
and you will
and i will
i am
(i'm sorry.)
:iconcake-error:cake-error 1 0
heart vandal
you can reach into my chest
(I won't be needing that anymore.)
I won't bother saving
what never bothered
to save
really, just
take it away,
try to sweep me off my feet
(like I once had been)
I don't care.
(not like I used to.)
tell me your lies,
because I'll pretend to believe them,
I'll pretend to be your fool
until you're onto the next.
you love my tears
take them
because I don't need them
I don't care.
heart vandal,
leave me another graffiti mark
to add to my list of scars,
because the only one that matters
has already been
go ahead.
:iconcake-error:cake-error 1 0
Naruto character creator by Hapuriainen Naruto character creator :iconhapuriainen:Hapuriainen 17,388 5,872 Business Cards Front-Back by Arkham-Insanity Business Cards Front-Back :iconarkham-insanity:Arkham-Insanity 1,839 376 Doctor Awesome Business Card by Arkham-Insanity Doctor Awesome Business Card :iconarkham-insanity:Arkham-Insanity 1,464 529 I Like-a by Arkham-Insanity I Like-a :iconarkham-insanity:Arkham-Insanity 2,067 415


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United States
Because I'm too lazy to spent three minutes taking and posting a picture of myself, how about a description using words? You can imagine me however you want that way~
Uh, I'm only 4'11", my weight varies and and is anywhere between 111-116, I have blue eyes and chin-length brown hair. I wear glasses. I like talking and I can be pretty loud at times... I'm usually really cheerful and try not to let anything else show through... I get concerned easily and I like revenge. "Uh..." is a frequent word in my vocabulawrence...
I also don't know when to shut up.

Current Residence: Check your closet
deviantWEAR sizing preference: Uh, medium, I guess.
Print preference: Er...
Favourite genre of music: The good stuff
Favourite style of art: Euh, it depends.
Operating System: Mac
MP3 player of choice: iPod
Shell of choice: THE MACIC CONCH!!!
Wallpaper of choice: That blue one I saw at Home Depot
Skin of choice: My own?
Favourite cartoon character: Prussia
Personal Quote: Screw sanity, I'm too awesome.
  • Listening to: More Than Useless
  • Reading: The Illustrated Man
  • Eating: Frozen prickly pears
I was tagged by cake-error (I don't actually know how to make her name show up as an icon, I have bad internet skills...) and I now must tell six facts about myself... Here I go~

ONE: I save every scrap of paper that has the writing of another person close to me on it. If you have ever written something down for me, written me a note, or drawn me a picture, you could bet I still have it.

TWO: I refuse to use texting talk. Ever.

THREE: Honestly, I'm sort of uncomfortable about how I look in swimsuits. Given the option, I would rather swim in my regular clothes.

FOUR: I get obsessed with things really easily but, as soon as I meet an over-the-top fan, I get scared away. By over-the-top, I mean the kind that start fan wars, get mad at you if you have a different favourite character, you know, that sort of suff...

FIVE: The most frequent word in my vocabulary is "What?" You could tell I'm nervous when my sentences start with "What? Oh,..."

SIX: Firecrackers scare the shit out of me.

I'm a lazy ass and don't want to tag anybody, but I must. If you're reading this, I chose YOU!

Journal History


Add a Comment:
monsterunderyourbed1 Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2011
masterlink123456 Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
that was all me there...ask her yourself...
Debtland Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2011
Thanks for the favorite xD
cake-error Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2011
I used four exclamation points to show my EXCITEMENT for your birthday~ (And you know how much I hate doing that.)
I don't have enough points for some real cake, but let's keep our fingers crossed for next year, right?
Here: fake cake:
deviantART muro drawing Comment Drawing
cake-error Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2011
If I had anything of value I would give it to you, but I'll draw you some cake when I get onto a computer that I can use deviantART muro on~
Aw~ You don't have to give me anything, anyway~ Thank you~~
cake-error Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2011
:iconsadengineerplz: SAD ENGINEER DEMANDS IT.
(otl what is wrong with me)
SparkofGenius Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2011
It's Sabrina...:)
Hi~! Late response is late, I've been lazy... You got a different account, I must watch you~
Debtland Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2011
It's Coleeen~
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